Marriages should be sacred; certainly not open. Yes, I know that today it sounds outdated and unfashionable, but let’s take a closer look at the sanctity of marriage.

My wife, Rochel, taught high school students for many years. One day, a past student called, asking for an appointment to see her. My wife was intrigued. While it was gratifying to hear that an old student still remembered her and valued her advice, it also piqued her curiosity.

She was now a young woman, still single, and struggling to find “Mr Right.” Her friends were all telling her that she was making her life more difficult by refusing to cohabit before marriage. They said she would never get married if she stuck to those antiquated principles. She, however, had always been determined to wait until marriage. And thus, her question to my wife, “Mrs. Goldman, please tell me that I am not crazy!”

Fortunately, she came to the right teacher. My wife reassured her, and thank G‑d she found the right man in due course without compromising her principles.

At a conference I attended some years ago in Jerusalem, we heard a talk from a prominent psychologist who shared with us the surprising statistic that couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who do not.

Now, this seems counterintuitive. One would imagine that couples who have had the experience of living together would be better prepared for marriage than those who did not. But our psychologist explained the phenomenon as follows:

What is marriage? Marriage, by definition, is an unconditional commitment. Getting married means that people are entering a solemn covenant and a profound bond beyond just sharing the rent.

And what is living together before marriage? Clearly, it is a conditional commitment. ‘If it works out, great. If not, I’m outta here.’ Now that’s all fine and well, and everyone is entitled to make their own educated choices. But, as preparation for marriage, which most cohabiting couples may contend is the reason for them living together in the first place, it is arguably the very worst possible preparation for a marriage commitment which is intended to be unconditional! And the statistics confirm it.

I have seen couples married for 50, 60, even 70 years. I’m sure they had some problems in their relationships over the years. Rare is the couple who enjoys eternal bliss with nary a hiccup or challenge. I have seen a few of those over the years, but no more than a handful. The vast majority of these dear men and women who were married for half a century or longer definitely had issues at some stage, but they stuck it out through thick and thin. And they are very content with their lives today, glad that they stayed together. They’ve lived to see the reward for their efforts—close family ties, and nachas from their children who saw them as real role models for their own marriages.

My own parents-in-law, of blessed memory, were married for 72 years! Did they never have issues? Of course they did. But divorce was never even imagined. Why? Because in their value system, marriage was an unconditional commitment. And they had the fruits of their labors to show for it, with generations of faithful Jewish couples who have dedicated themselves to the very same values of their parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents.

I think it is absolutely fascinating that after all the bad press marriage has been getting over the past few decades, it remains an undying institution. As a rabbi, I am still called upon to officiate on a regular basis. Yes, the numbers are down, but there is still a massive, bustling wedding industry out there, from the jewelry shops to the caterers and photographers. It really does tell us something about the eternity of marriage.

While Hollywood celebrities have sounded off about marriage being a dying institution, I came across a nice response from a member of the public. “Marriage isn’t a dying institution. Commitment is.”